Signs of internalised ableism in Autism & ADHD
We live in a society where being “able-bodied” or “normal” is seen as the ideal, and where disabled people experience daily prejudice and discrimination and societal ableism. Every member of society is exposed to these subtle messages during their lives, which, if unchallenged, can develop into an unconscious negative bias, or ableism.
Disabled people are also exposed to these negative societal attitudes and, over time, can begin to believe them, viewing their disability as a flaw, seeing themselves as broken, and worrying that their needs are a burden on others. This common phenomenon is known as internalised ableism. Internalised ableism can lead an Autistic person or ADHDer to hide their authentic self, feel ashamed of their difficulties, and refuse to ask for help or accept accommodations.
Internalised ableism can include:
- Not asking for help or accepting it when offered
- Believing that your needs aren’t valid and that you don’t deserve help
- Believing other people have much greater barriers and problems compared to you, and this means you shouldn’t need help
- Believing in the “bootstrap mentality” and idealising willpower, determination, grit, resilience, or hard work rather than asking for help
- Masking or camouflaging your differences because you are ashamed of them or believe they are not socially acceptable
- Blaming your difficulties with executive functioning on your own “laziness”, “being disorganised”, or “carelessness”
- Rejecting disability and diagnostic labels because they would mean you are a “failure” or not “normal”
- Ruling out ADHD medications, because this would be “cheating” or “taking the easy way out”
- Believing that being diagnosed with Autism and ADHD would give you an excuse for poor work or behaviour
- Wishing that there was a cure for autism or that you were “normal,” or idolising people who are
- Setting unrealistically high, perfectionistic standards for yourself, to prove you are competent
- Avoiding failure by tightly controlling your environment, activities such as exercise and diet, and sometimes other people
- Working extremely hard to compensate for your difficulties to avoid being viewed as inadequate or disabled
- Avoiding talking about your difficulties and viewing your needs are a burden to others
- Feeling profoundly guilty or ashamed for inconveniencing others in any way and apologising excessively if you do
- Using person-first language or outdated terms such as Asperger’s in order to distance yourself from being Autistic
Unwinding Internalised Ableism
The antidote to internalised ableism is self-acceptance and pride in your unique neurodivergent identity. Challenging and unwinding internalised ableism is a process that continues over a long period. Even if you have a strong foundation of self-acceptance, you may still uncover deeply held internalised ableism embedded within longstanding beliefs and the expectations you have of yourself and others. When these show up, give yourself time to explore and challenge them without judgment. (Judging yourself for having internalised these unhelpful ableist beliefs is self-defeating and would reflect yet more internalised stigma.) In these moments, try to offer yourself compassion. Developing internalised ableism was an unconscious process; you did not choose it, and with patience and persistence, you can also let it go.
For a detailed worksheet outlining how to recognise and unwind your internalised ableism, download the Worksheet on the Resources page.