Planning a “low demand” holiday season

As a clinical psychologist, I’ve had many conversations with people about the holiday season. For so many people, it’s a time of stress and disappointment.

Two years ago, one of these conversations had an unexpected impact on me. “We are having a low-demand Christmas”, this client said with quiet satisfaction. She went on to explain what this meant: no family gatherings, no visitors, takeaway on Christmas day (the “golden arches” may have been mentioned), and each person in the household could do precisely what they wanted.

Meanwhile, I was planning two large family events, deeply cleaning my house, and preparing to cook copious amounts of food. The contrast was startling.

Her simple statement reverberated in my mind and body: “a low-demand Christmas”. While this felt out of reach for me back then, I started thinking about what a low-demand holiday season might look like in the future, and how I could make it a reality.

Holiday traditions may feel familiar (and can seem easier), but they can also become a burden. Traditions we’ve inherited shouldn’t control us if they don’t enrich our lives now.

This year, make the holidays suit you better. Find activities that help your nervous system relax. Your low-demand holidays could include:

• A small gathering with a safe person or nurturing time with a beloved pet
• Solo traditions that are easy and relaxing, such as crafts or movie marathons
• Takeaway food or comforting “same foods”
• Gaming with friends who also want a break from the holiday chaos (online is perfectly acceptable)
• Sensory soothing in ways that support, not harm you

Please remember, a low-demand holiday season isn’t another aspirational goal to achieve.

While, like me, you might yearn for something simpler, at the heart of low demand is letting go of expectations and activities that don’t serve you, to do what suits you best.

Even if it’s out of reach for you this year because plans are fixed and expectations are set, there’s always next year. Or any time of year when expectations and workload are simply too high.

So, consider:

• What is one tradition or activity that you could abandon?
• What is one expectation others have of you that you don’t need to meet?
• What is an expectation you have of yourself that you can gently put aside?

It’s taken two years, but I’m getting much closer to a low-demand Christmas. Progress takes time.

I hope that whatever you choose, you have a safe and restful holiday season.

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