How can I recover from rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD)?
Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) is an intensely painful experience that you can get stuck in for a long time, and it can take a long time to recover. It is possible to become stuck in a state of dysphoria that lasts for months or even years.
It can be hard to recover if you:
- Don’t understand how you feel (known as alexithymia)
- Have intense emotions and find it hard to soothe them
- feel confused about what happened and spend a lot of time conducting an ongoing “social autopsy” to work it out
- Feel ashamed because you believe what happened was your fault
- Criticise yourself harshly for what happened
- Keep your distance from other people and avoid social events
- Lash out angrily at others and push people away
- Do not have other relationships where you feel safe and accepted
The following strategies can help you recover from the pain of rejection:
Self-soothing: Practice self-soothing activities that deactivate your body’s stress response, such as deep breathing, relaxation, soothing repetitive movements (stimming) and engaging in your interests.
Emotional awareness: In RSD, you can feel many different emotions at the same time. Explore how you feel and identify these emotions using an emotions wheel, or by talking to a friend or licensed therapist.
Sense-making: Feeling confused can keep you stuck in RSD, so the key to recovery includes making sense of what happened. This can be difficult when you don’t have all the information, so as best as you can, make sense of what happened by talking to a friend or a therapist.
Perspective-taking: Feeling angry at the other person—or yourself—is a natural reaction. However, it will not help you recover. Look at the situation from different perspectives, including the person who rejected you. Being honest about the contribution each person made to the situation can be painful, but it can help you learn from the experience and make positive changes in the future.
Self-compassion: Rejection can trigger harsh self-criticism fuelled by anger, self-blame and shame, and this can keep you stuck in the pain of rejection. Consider how you would support a friend who was distressed and stuck. Acknowledge how hurt you feel, and practice saying kind and comforting things to yourself.
Reach out: It’s essential to give yourself some time to recover, but being alone in your distress for a long time can also keep you stuck. Socialising can be anxiety-provoking when you fear being rejected again, so start by reaching out to a supportive person or your therapist and share how you are feeling.
Safe relationships: Being in relationships where you feel safe and accepted is essential to your well-being. Connecting with others can help alleviate feelings of isolation and foster a more profound sense of belonging.